Friday, April 19, 2013

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - Readalong Post 1

Sorry I missed last week, life got in the way and I was so busy and then all of a sudden it was Tuesday...! But let me tell you, you guys really missed out, because I was going to have this bit where I talked about how flew powder is like wizard Facebook because of all the faces talking in the fire and then something snarky about how pointless both are. BOOM. That right there is comedy gold, and I'm sorry I wasn't able to deliver it for you last week.

So, I don't know if you recall but this is the film that begins with Harry trying to chat up a waitress and then Dumbledore comes and cock-blocks him like a mofo. OLD MAN, YOU BASICALLY SENTENCED THIS KID TO DEATH 2 WEEKS AGO, LET HIM GET SOME ACTION OKAY.

Nuh uh Dumbledore, not cool
Actually, I think the film starts with the Spinner Lane scene (which is awesome squared) and it's probably my favourite of the movies (and maybe second of the books). I feel like it was *really* funny in a ham-y sort of way AND Jim Broadbent as Slughorn was a piece of GENIUS casting, although I haven't seen it in about 3 years SO WHO EVEN KNOWS.

End of movie minutia, start of book bullet points.

*I don't really care for the first chapter,  (JKR I already understand how magic works stop explaining it to me) but if I'm ever prime minister I'm going to arrange a prank for whoever takes over from me which is basically a re-enactment of this scene. It will be amazing.

*Chapter 2 and the Snape/Bellatrix snark is super fantastico. I'd read an entire book that's just them being awesomely nasty to each other.

*Case in point: 
"Yes, indeed, most admirable," said Snape in a bored voice. "Of course, you weren't a lot of use to him in prison, but the gesture was undoubtedly fine" 
*Case in point 2.0:
"That was your sacrifice for the Dark Lord, not to teach your favourite subject?" 

*Is anyone else amazed that Snape actually owns more than one glass AND a serving tray?

*So Emmaline Vance was collateral damage so Snape's cover holds, and Dumbledore and the Order were cool with that? #WizardsAreDicks

*Why doesn't everyone just have a secret keeper for their house? Voldemort sneak attack problem SOLVED.

*Dumbledore reminds me a lot of Luna, especially in that scene with the Dursleys. It's like they're operating in a different dimension close to ours but not quite matching up.

"You did not do as I asked. You have never treated Harry as a son. He has known nothing but neglect and often cruelty at your hands. The best thing that can be said is that he has at least escaped the appalling damage you have inflicted upon the unfortunate boy sitting between you."

Preach it Dumbledore

*WAIT. Does Slughorn recognise the ring on p69?


*"What is your dearest ambition?" "to find out how aeroplanes stay up" *NEVER CHANGE MR WEASLEY.

*Completely forgot that Fleur comes back in this book and that they called her phlegm. Mean.

* Shut up Hermione, I wanted to hear about Beauxbaton's education system.

*Did their OWLS owls go via the ministry? When exactly are they being searched?

*Ok so now we know a pass = 1 OWL. So the Twins failed 4 subjects. My mum would not have let me back in the house if I failed more than half of my classes so hats off to Mrs W for being as cool headed about their grades as she was. Also I assume they aced their charms, potions and transfig classes since their joke shop stock is pretty flippin' advanced.

*Sooooo, did Bill need Harry's permission or did he just stroll right into his vault? So much for top security. Banks, amirite?

*Witherwings sounds like something you'd use to insult a hippogriff. "Ugh, Buckbeak you are such a witherwings, just go away."

*What happened to Bellatrix's husband? He was in jail with her right? Did he get released too?

*It's dangerous to be seen buying/selling in Knockturn Alley? Another reasons wizards need the internet, Dark Arts Ebay.

*JKR, from the bottom of my heart I thank you for U-NO-POO.


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