Friday, January 25, 2013

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - Readalong Post 1

New book! New book! New book!
 Ah Chamber of Secrets, the second book in the series and the first we can actually agree on the title of. The kiddly-winks are another year older, Snape is still their least favourite teacher, and Quirrell has been been replaced by the spectacular Professor Lockhart.

The opening scene with the Dursleys is some of the most absurdly hilarious stuff JK has ever written, I mean when Harry, ever so innocently, says "You've forgotten the magic word" all hell breaks loose...
"Dudley gasped and fell off his chair with a crash that shook the whole kitchen; Mrs Dursley gave a small scream and clapped her hands to her mouth; Mr Dursley jumped to his feet, veins throbbing in his temples." 

And then it ramps up to 10,000 when they go through their plans to woo the Masons. Dudley's simpering "We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr Mason, and I wrote about you" and his parent's subsequent reactions had me choking on my snacks. T

The only thing more over the top in CoS is the one and only Gilderoy Lockhart! He's so pretentious, and ridiculous, and wonderful. It's like JK decided after that intro scene that she just wanted to throw subtly to the wind and go all the way out there with this one. I love how he seems to value Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award over everything - even Harry's small little achievement surviving Voldemort doesn't surpass it. And who else could manage to remain smug even after reducing a student's arm to jelly?

Which guy? This guy!
I kinda see CoS as the book when you realise exactly how awful wizards actually are. First there is Dobby, and while the Malfoys are especially bad, it becomes clear in later books that pretty much all house elves are treated like dirt. Then there's the whole mudblood and squib thing - and it's not just the Slytherins who are bigoted in this way. I mean, Ron and Hagrid are indignant about Hermione being called Mudblood by Malfoy, but Ron then goes on to snigger when he finds out Filch is a squib. It's a rather unsettling look into a world that just becomes more pronounced as the series goes on.


Have you noticed that in this book Hermione seems to be leading the rule-breaking charge most of the time? She seems hesitant when the boys first suggest Malfoy as the heir of Slytherin, but she's the one who suggests the risky polyjuice potion, and when the boys are worried about stealing from Snape's private store she basically peer pressures them into it. She's come a long way from the "we could have been dead, or worse, expelled" days of the previous year. I love her so.

Extra Thoughts:

*On p37 Percy is absolutely spending his time locked in his room masturbating.

*Mr Weasley is grown up Neville.

*I hope the earmuffs they use around the Mandrakes are charmed, because I've never worn a pair that completely block out sound. Especially the fluffy kind.

*Can Lockhart do *any* spells?

*Filch's office is right out of 50 Shades of Gray.

*The trio really need to ramp up their lying, if they're going to break so many school rules they should really be quicker on the uptake.

*How do ghosts write and send letters?

*Maybe if they had more than 4 Quidditch matches a year, Harry wouldn't be so determined to play when a bludger is trying to crush his skull.


I'll be seeing you in the comments dudettes (and dudes?), but until then;


39 comments:

  1. I am re-reading the books right now too. I am on book 5. I thought Lockhart might've been a squib but I guess he can do memory charms. Have fun!

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    1. He's pretty inept - except in the memory charms department. I'm a little disappointed in Dumbledore, perhaps finding a teacher is hard, but Lockhart - really?!

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    2. Don't they say at some point in CoS that Lockhart was the only person to apply for the job that year?

      (Which makes no sense, as Hogwarts is apparently the only place to employ wizarding teachers, and I assume there are more than about 15 magical educators in the whole of the British Isles.)

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    3. Dumbledore manages to wrangle some pretty awesome teachers from book 3 on, so I think either 1, he was having too much fun over summer and left it till the very latest moment or 2, Hogwarts was having financial issues and Lockhart's books on the syllabus would somehow profit the school or 3, He really wanted to meet the winner of Witch Weekly's Best Smile award in the flesh.

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  2. Ewwwwwww. Ewwwwwwww Percy! (you are absolutely correct though). And the earmuffs! Yes! This is so true!

    I can't even deal with how excellent Lockhart is! I think I used to hate him A LOT (because I was young and foolish!) but now I'm just like OH Lockhart, you big silly! (and I do believe he can't do ANY spells! Maybe he's a squib too!)

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    1. He can do memory charms, but yeah, pretty hopeless generally. Can you be part squib? Maybe he's that. Or maybe he's just too fabulous to bother with actual magic.

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  3. First HOOORAY for the Happy Endings gifs. Especially the drama one.

    Right? Wizards seem super cruel to non-magical humans. Jerks.

    Awww Mr. Weasly as a grown up Neville.

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    1. Happy Endings gifs are perfect for every situation- if they cancel that show I don't know what I'll do.

      Wizards are king douches, I keep trying to work out what lesson JK is trying to make with that.

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    2. I refuse to entertain the idea that they will cancel the show because I can do denial really well. (But seriously HOW COULD THEY CANCEL THIS, IT'S SO GOOD? I mean, how can you NOT love Jane and Brad?)

      I want to start keeping track of the wizards that aren't twatwaffles to the non-magical things. Or non-human-magical things. So far I think that list is Dumbledore and Hermione, who almost doesn't count since she hasn't grown up with the prejudices.

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    3. I think in a way wizards and witches view muggles in the way a lot of people view animals -- helpless and slightly amusing and a bit expendable.

      Which sounds awful, but I really get the feeling that even Mr. Weasley, who clearly means well, is so astonished by the existence of non-magical things like telephones that he reacts as if a his pet suddenly started to talk.

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    4. I think you're right there Rayna- and it's so stupid because I'd pick some of our inventions (internet) over their versions (owls, or sticking your head in a fireplace while relying on some powder to keep you from burning alive).

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  4. Surely they have more than four Quidditch matches a year. SURELY.

    I'M impressed by someone who wins Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award.

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    1. they'd have to play 6 matches a year if each house plays the other ones once.

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    2. Eh, they might play more but there are a few references that suggest they play each house once- so if they lose one match they're unlikely to place without winning by 150+ points per game.

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  5. Memory charms AND expelliarmus, but both of those come next week. Yay!

    Clearly I am in the minority this week re: Lockhart, but I admit I LOVE watching Kenneth Brannaugh play him. It's one of preciously few good things about that movie.

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    1. "It's one of preciously few good things about that movie. "

      YES. Also Ginny.

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    2. That movie is rough. None of the people that take up the screen time really know how to act yet. (With exceptions, but still.)

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    3. I think his expelliarmus was probably more luck than skill - he's simply too charming too charm.

      Brannagh was AMAZING in that role. Perhaps the best bit of casting for the entire film series.

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  6. Ok, WHAT is this Happy Endings show? Because all of the GIF sets are amaaazing.

    AGGGH PERCY MY EYES! But also, probably. Poor Mrs. Weasley with a zillion teenaged sons; I hope she had a spell for laundry.

    http://celebquote.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/bridesmaids-movie-quotes-14.gif

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    1. It's the best show EVER! And super-gifable. It looks like it might be canceled though, which would be devastating.

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  7. Maybe ghosts send letters using quills from dead birds.

    Everyone is *awful* about squibs. And when Neville said that he's almost a squib, ah, my heart breaks for the little guy.

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    1. That was one of my notes I made - the CoS opening is the worst because it upsets Neville which isn't ok.

      Do the birds need to decide to be ghosts to become ghost quill material?

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  8. I love the "wooing" of the Masons. Something about that scene really reminds of Amelia Bedelia- Why? I'm not sure. Something about the way things go horribly wrong...

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  9. I feel like Percy's locking himself in his room is actually related to some plot point I can't recall...

    Also, Harry asking for the magic word in the beginning was HAFREAKINGSTERICAL.

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    1. He's writing to my girlfriend - which only backs up my theory even more!

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  10. "Percy is absolutely spending his time locked in his room masturbating."

    OMG HE TOTALLY IS. And this would make me like him better...because at least that's a normal boy thing to do. Why can't you be a NORMAL boy, Percy?!

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    1. It's definitely the most human thing related to Percy until the final book. He's so bland and eh, THE WORST.

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  11. Hahaha I love how ridiculous the Dursleys were - flipped out about the "magic word" incident, heheh.
    JK must have had so much fun conceptualizing Gilderoy Lockhart. I'm sure she had the worst aspects of specific celebrities in mind when she wrote him into the book!

    Good points about the bigotry - JK does a great job introducing children to the hypocrisy of labeling mudbloods, squibs and muggles.

    I am NEVER drinking hot tea again whilst reading your blog. I performed the most spectacular spit take when I read your thoughts on p.37 and Filch's office. Well done, you!

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    1. Why thank you! I hope that hot tea didn't burn you or ruin your computer!

      I hope JK eventually writes an autobiography about the writing of the book, because yes, I bet there were tonnes of politicians and celebrities offering inspiration for characters like Lockhart and Fudge.

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  12. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Percy. So gross, probably so true.

    Lockhart is amusing, but I think my dislike towards him is stronger than everyone else's so far. I can't stand that much blatant smarmy-ness. By the end I really really wanna punch him.

    And I forgot to mention Squibs when I was talked about wizarding-world-racism in my post! Kudos! Squibs have it rough :(

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    1. If I was actually at Hogwarts I'd probably turn violent against him, but as a character I revel in his bonkers smarminess. Sooooo pretentious and oblivious!

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  13. "Mr Weasley is grown up Neville." LOL. The ghost questions bother me too and really should have been resolved at some point. I mean, Nick is BLOWN to the hospital wing with a fan - is there no risk of him coming apart? And what about the fully headless ghosts - how do their heads and bodies communicate? And WHO prepared all of that food? We never see ghosts supporting anything other than themselves, how could they possibly burn and transport food??

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    1. Or just regular house elves since the food's still real. Who knows, I doubt JK knew herself, the ghosts were mostly convenient plot developers/exposition machines I think.

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  14. YOU'RE IMPRESSED BY ANYTHING LOCKHARTIAN, ALICE.

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  15. I laughed for ten minutes when you said that about Percy. And then I felt awkward because he has a girlfriend and now I know what he was thinking about at the time. Urkh. My brain is unhappy. So unhappy.

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  16. BAHAHAHA, oh god, Percy. That IS hilarious.

    I do not think Gilderoy Lockhart can do any spells RIGHT. Seems like he'll turn out to be a big ol' fraud.

    I noticed that too about Hermione - she's come a long way in a short amount of time!

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    1. It makes me so proud, lil' Hermione, such an adaptor, and so good at everything she tries! Best role model.

      Oh Lockhart, SUCH a charming loser.

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