Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - Readalong Post 1

New book! New book! New book!

 Ah Chamber of Secrets, the second book in the series and the first we can actually agree on the title of. The kiddly-winks are another year older, Snape is still their least favourite teacher, and Quirrell has been been replaced by the spectacular Professor Lockhart.

The opening scene with the Dursleys is some of the most absurdly hilarious stuff JK has ever written, I mean when Harry, ever so innocently, says "You've forgotten the magic word" all hell breaks loose...

"Dudley gasped and fell off his chair with a crash that shook the whole kitchen; Mrs Dursley gave a small scream and clapped her hands to her mouth; Mr Dursley jumped to his feet, veins throbbing in his temples." 

And then it ramps up to 10,000 when they go through their plans to woo the Masons. Dudley's simpering "We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr Mason, and I wrote about you" and his parent's subsequent reactions had me choking on my snacks. T

The only thing more over the top in CoS is the one and only Gilderoy Lockhart! He's so pretentious, and ridiculous, and wonderful. It's like JK decided after that intro scene that she just wanted to throw subtly to the wind and go all the way out there with this one. I love how he seems to value Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award over everything - even Harry's small little achievement surviving Voldemort doesn't surpass it. And who else could manage to remain smug even after reducing a student's arm to jelly?

Which guy? This guy!

I kinda see CoS as the book when you realise exactly how awful wizards actually are. First there is Dobby, and while the Malfoys are especially bad, it becomes clear in later books that pretty much all house elves are treated like dirt. Then there's the whole mudblood and squib thing - and it's not just the Slytherins who are bigoted in this way. I mean, Ron and Hagrid are indignant about Hermione being called Mudblood by Malfoy, but Ron then goes on to snigger when he finds out Filch is a squib. It's a rather unsettling look into a world that just becomes more pronounced as the series goes on.

Have you noticed that in this book Hermione seems to be leading the rule-breaking charge most of the time? She seems hesitant when the boys first suggest Malfoy as the heir of Slytherin, but she's the one who suggests the risky polyjuice potion, and when the boys are worried about stealing from Snape's private store she basically peer pressures them into it. She's come a long way from the "we could have been dead, or worse, expelled" days of the previous year. I love her so.

Extra Thoughts:

*On p37 Percy is absolutely spending his time locked in his room masturbating.

*Mr Weasley is grown up Neville.

*I hope the earmuffs they use around the Mandrakes are charmed, because I've never worn a pair that completely block out sound. Especially the fluffy kind.

*Can Lockhart do *any* spells?

*Filch's office is right out of 50 Shades of Gray.

*The trio really need to ramp up their lying, if they're going to break so many school rules they should really be quicker on the uptake.

*How do ghosts write and send letters?

*Maybe if they had more than 4 Quidditch matches a year, Harry wouldn't be so determined to play when a bludger is trying to crush his skull.


I'll be seeing you in the comments dudettes (and dudes?), but until then;